'Out On The town With G. Roy Butler'

ACTING

Where would we be without our actors? We may still have our scientists and our statesmen, our musicians and our sports stars, our artists and our criminals, our saints and our sinners. BUT – we wouldn’t have the people who pretend to be them.

Before Supa-computer goes into a deep sulk over the current state of his career I am going to crunch some robust data, feed it through an amusing little algorithm I have just developed and ask him to spit out the five greatest actors of all time.

Russell Crowe
- In the space of one year Russell Crowe pretended to be both a Roman gladiator and a brilliant mathematician. Wow! It seems almost inconceivable that one person can pretend to be two such disparate characters but Crowe did it. He also behaved badly in a hotel lobby but whether he was being himself or pretending to be himself remains unclear.

Tom Cruise
- In his magnificent career he has pretended to be a jet pilot, a racing car driver and a secret agent. When I was a little boy I also pretended to be all these things but by the age of twelve I had stopped. I didn’t realise that as long as it was done in front of a camera pretending was okay for adults. Bummer, man.

Brad Pitt - Brad Pitt mumbles sometimes and sometimes he speaks quite clearly, yet whatever speaking style he is utilising he will always take his shirt off because he is buff.

Nick Cave – Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for The Caveman! After spending his early years pretending to be a heroin addict, these days Cave is pretending to be an artist. Writing screenplays; playing the piano in his ‘office’; growing a sensitive moustache, fathering children, drinking beer through a straw, telling Salvador Dali he is phat. It’s all artist, artist, artist for this renaissance man.

Supa-computer
– This could be contentious, Supa-computer, but yes, you are a very fine actor. Early roles saw Supa-computer compared to a young David Niven but his subsequent performances in the James Bond movies as a supa villain saw him hailed as a the greatest character actor of his generation. He has since tried to achieve leading man status but is currently appearing as the refrigerator in ‘Everybody loves Raymond’ while he awaits the big break through.

ON THE TOWN ARCHIVES